Monday, December 29, 2014

As the year wraps up...

Hi everyone, and thank you for reading...It has been a long and hard year, but as I write this, I am reminded of all that I have for which I am immensely grateful.  

I have a wonderful family.  I am truly blessed with family who is always here for me and who love me unconditionally.... while there is physical distance between us, there is never any emotional distance....  my family who has meant more to me than they know, through their consistent love and sharing..... 

And my friends, my wonderful, loyal friends who get me, and who accept me even though I am a chronic idiot and I can't listen to their excellent advice, my friends, near and far, my friends, beautiful, honest and accepting of my flaws....  

If you have read my blog, you know that I had a rough financial year, but rather than judge me, you read and shared your thoughts and ideas... I want to sort out my challenges with money, and am striving to do so.  Next year will be a journey to that end, and I am committed to continuing the effort.  I have to really, I have no choice.  I cannot continue on in this manner.

So I will continue to rely on you, my friends and family, as I go through this and try, try try to improve.  Specifically, I will try to:

- Focus less on "things"
- Focus more on people and "being"
- Write more in a meaningful way
- Plan better in terms of money
- Budget and manage
- Resist the urges that overwhelm me

I know, there is no try, there is only do or do not... I get it... But we all have goals, and we don't always meet them... The best we can do is pick ourselves up over and over again....

In terms of the money issue, as you all know, Christmas came and I sort of blew it.  All that I had learned and practiced went completely out the window.  I am now below where I was before, in terms of my finances. But that is ok... that is why I am continuing the blog, the process, and journey into self discovery.  I feel like I was starting to peel the onion, and stopped just at the 30 day project end - but that there was more to learn. So here I am, wiping the slate clean, going back to the lions den of money and finance, lol...

OK, that's it for now... More to come!  Happy New Year, and thank you for reading!  xo

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Mission Failure

Hi again!  I am back.  As promised, I have not gone away.  And since my last post, I am not proud of what I have done.  So, I thought let me share what has gone on, what I am up to, and how my foolishness continues....

OK, so I did the 30 day thing, and only spent 90 dollars.  I feared, as I mentioned, that I would immediately fall into my old ways once it was over.  Once I was no longer under the obligation of my commitment, I was worried that all I had learned would be lost.  And yes, I was correct.  I have been acting like a drunken sailor on shore leave.  I have paid my bills, or most of them... not all.  And it is all my fault.  I don't really understand why, except for maybe the  restraint of the 30 day project felt too constricting.  Kinda like when people go on those water and juice diets, and then can't maintain the 10 lbs they lost because they are longing for real food.   Extremities, I think, are dangerous.  Perhaps I had been too extreme.  But it was an experiment, and I did think I had learned a lot.  Yet I went and dove in head first to some icy cold, shark filled waters of mistakes... 

Mistake number 1:  I shopped even though I knew I didn't have the money in my account, leaving me overdrawn.   Yup.  Causing me further overdrafts, and one helluva nightmare.

Mistake number 2:  Shopping before bills were paid.

Mistake number 3:  After buying things on the Christmas list, still buying more things because they were really perfect gifts too.... I mean, some deals I just could not pass up.

Ah yes, Christmas.  That is the reason!  I am sure had I started this experiment at any other time of the year, the results would have been different.  Right??  Yeah, I know, I am not so sure either.  

Maybe now that I have it all out of my system, it will be ok?  I can't say for sure. I don't really know how to pick up the pieces at this point.  All I can say for sure is that I clearly have more learning to do, more goals to achieve, and more, lots more work to do on myself.  I do think that after Christmas is over, I will be in a better place to take a deep breath and really focus on things for the long term rather than the short term.  

What do you think?  

More to come... Thank you so much for reading and supporting... xo

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Day 30 - Mission Accomplished!!

Hello, all and thank you once again.... I really truly appreciate you for reading and sharing this.... It has been a hard and interesting experience, and yesterday was Day 30 - the final day of this experiment.

My Day 29 post was about how much I saved in comparison to what I might have otherwise spent.... Quite revealing.  Day 30 is about what I've learned, and what I fear.... 

This is what I mean...

Autopilot:  I learned that I was living my life on autopilot.  Doing, shopping, buying, spending, without even thinking or blinking an eye... To me, that was the biggest eye opener to me... not just that I do it, but to what degree.  So what I fear now, is that because I had made that pledge, I fear that I will be all like, Yay!  I did it, and now I can spend!  I fear I will lose that awareness and consciousness about spending money.  I fear that "Oh, it's only 1.99, so ok" will begin to process itself in my head again, and I have to really be diligent about that.  Tough one for me...

Saying No: I found my voice.  I say no now, and I am comfortable with it, and it is now also understood that when I say no regarding money, I mean no regarding money.  What I fear is that since it is well established that this was a 30 day experiment, that my family will have different expectations about life.  But I think that this was also an eye opening experience for them as well.  They saw the money that we were all pouring down the drain each month, and I think they understand that this change, albeit not as drastic, still has to change... We have to keep it up. 

Preparedness:  I have to be prepared for long days away from home with protein bars and such in my bag at all times.  I have to bring my water bottle with me where I go, rather than buying the 6 dollar Fuji water - which, I do not care what people say, is actually the best tasting water in the world... I think I would drink water all day long if I had access that at expensive crap!  But I digress... I have to have quick, easy meals available for those late evenings when I am too tired to cook.  I have to do things that were suggested such as prepare meals and freeze them, or similar...   I fear that I will not have the time to do this, because I already do not have (or make) the time to do other things that I know are healthy and beneficial to me.

So these are the things I have learned, and am still struggling with in some way.  This is not a 30-day-and-quit activity.  The reason I started this to begin with is because I was drowning and I needed to take action desperately.  What I did really had to be done.  I had to stop the bleeding.   Next, I have to dig into my monthly bills and see what I can reduce there.  I am already suffering with basic cable as it is, so I do not know what else I can cut... But I am sure I can streamline things if I really look.

As a result of all of this, I have decided that I am not stopping.  I am going to keep the spend-free mindset, and continue the blog.  The blog won't be daily, but it will be a regular account of my journey to what I hope will ultimately be financial health.  I hope that you will continue to read, and as you have, continue to share your ideas and thoughts - because they have really truly helped me, as has your support.  This was not easy, as you can tell from some of my more shall we say whiny posts, lol...  

So thank you, and I hope you continue reading and taking this crazy journey with me!  That's all for Day 30, yay!!   Bye for now, I am going Christmas shopping before my Amazon shopping cart expires!!  xo

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Day 29 - Yup, Day 29!

Hi everyone, and thank you for reading and sharing!  

Can you believe it is almost here??  I mean, wow....  Let's see how well I did.  Overall, my pledge was to spend zero dollars in 30 days.  Well, I did not actually hit this goal 100%.   However, if we look at it via percentages, let's look.  Yes, let's do the math!!  

30  days 

2 break down purchases

= .06 of my experiment period where I spent money, not too bad!!  

Over the course of these 2 breakdowns, I spent just under $100.  $66 for lunch at Chili's, and $25 for Uggs.  Now, let's hypothetically look at the similar expenses in a similar window of time.  Hmmm.... let's see.  In one recent month, I calculated unplanned expenses in the area of $700.  And that was not a Christmas month.  Another month during this year, the number was way higher... Like $1300 higher!!  One different month saw me and my family spend an unaccounted for $1250.  Shall I continue, or do you get the drift?  Even if we conservatively estimate that I would have normally spent $1000 unaccounted for money during this month, that means I am ahead by at least $900.  Also, not too bad.   If we are still doing the math, using those numbers, I only spend 1% of what I might have.  And if we are being honest, then we know that number would have been much higher.

But is that fair?  Is it fair to say, "Look at the damage I could have caused!"?  I dunno. Maybe.  I think so.  Because while I was not perfect in this challenge, I was far more creative, innovative and resourceful than I could have imagined.  I was good for 99.94% of the time, which is darn good!  So while there were some minor infractions, I am going to go out on a limb and call this a success!  

What do you think?  More to come on the end of this project tomorrow!  That's all for now!  

Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts with me!  See ya tomorrow!  xo



Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Day 28 - Counting Down!!

Hi everyone, and thank you so much for reading and sharing!  OMG, can you believe this project is almost over?  I really cannot believe it.  It's so bizarre, if feels like I just started!

Today was very uneventful.  Again, I worked all day, and did therefore, it was easier for me to be safe.  I did, though, spend my lunch break on amazon.com.... However, everything is just in my shopping cart, and I just hope it stays there until this is done in a few days!

Having said that, I was better prepared for things like oh, dinner, where I took out the last meager frozen package of chicken breast early in the morning so it would be ready for dinner time.  Sure enough, when work was over and the fam was getting hungry, I was just thinking, "OMG, please let me go to bed!", just wiped out - remember, still not 100% from the illness on Monday.  And then, I realized that the hard part was done, I had already figured out what to make.  I said, "Just brown the chicken, you are halfway home".... And then I did, and within 30 minutes later, we all enjoyed a nice dinner of chicken, with a rice side dish, and peas.... Not too shabby!  It was good, and it was rewarding because I didn't feel as stressed about it, and didn't even consider, not for a moment, ordering in.  Not even when I wanted to go to bed.  And for me, that is huge, that is really a huge thing, I think.  The thought process seems better in different situations, and the better I manage those situations, the better off I will be.... or something like that!

Anyway, that is it for now... More to come over lessons learned through this experience over the next couple of days!  

Thank you so much!! xo

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Day 27 - Sick and Staying Strong!

Hi everyone, and thank you so much for reading and sharing!!

So, you may have noticed that I didn't blog yesterday.  I was sooooo sick, I mean, sick like in muscle aches, fever, the works... I laid in bed all day, slept it off, and then still slept all night long... My apologies for not getting it out, and I  hope you understand.

And with a day of sickness like that, you know that the next day is never 100%... In fact, I still feel pretty crappy.  But I was able to work today, which honestly, just wore me out.  As you can imagine, after work I just crashed in my room with audible.com listening to books.  I was to tired to even hold up my tablet to read.  Of course, this was also dinner time.  Who thinks of dinner and what to have?  Me!  Always me....Sick me, tired me, weak me.  

At around 6:00, we were all hungry and the longer we sat around doing nothing about it, the easier it became to agree to this, "Mom, you are so tired, you shouldn't have to cook... Let's just get some take out".  So simple, so logical.  Out of the mouths of babes, as they say.  Once again, my auto pilot brain agreed.  Yup, I did, I said yes, and even went so far as to say yes to "KFC".... Yum, it's savory deliciousness just seemed so comforting on such a night of ickyness.  

But then (trumpet sounds), I snapped to it!  "No", I shouted!  "No, No KFC, we are not spending any money!"  While for me, it seemed as though I was awakening from a bad dream and catching myself in time, to the family it seemed the exact opposite.  They too had mouths watering for that tender fried chicken.  And they were none too happy to lose out on what they were expecting.  

Sadly, we have not been to the supermarket in a while, and have little in the cupboards, or freezer for that matter..... And being a good Italian girl, it pains me to admit this - my dinner was pasta with jarred vodka sauce... I mean, I can make a great marinara, so I can't ever by red sauce... But I am not the best vodka sauce maker, so this didn't seem so awful.  Yet as I type it, it seems just terrible to admit I fed my family a dinner of jarred sauce, even if that jar was made my Mario Batali of Molto Mario.... Does that offer me some salvation at all?  I didn't think so.... 

Well, we all survived, and I have another spend-free day under my belt!!!  And you are right, I need to work on planning meals better, much much better...

That's all for today... thank you for reading, and have a great night!  xo

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Day 25 - Avoiding the traps!

Hi, everyone, and thank you so much for reading my blog!

As you know, I have pledged to go 30 days without spending any money at all, except for the necessary household expenses.  And so far, I have had just a couple of slip ups, where the deals (25 dollar Uggs!) or the temptation (Hangry [hungry/angry after a hot day at the Renaissance Fair!) was too strong.  But today, I opted out of a day of shopping with a friend, which saved me.  I am certain I would have been able to fabricate a number of excuses, reasons to make purchases... "Oh, it was the last one!" or "But the deal - it was only valid for one day!!"   Yeah, I am very good at that.

What I learning is that not spending is a personal choice that I made, which is very difficult for me.  It has made me contemplate nearly every single action I take, since so much of what I was doing was automatic.  I was truly on autopilot, not even really or truly seeing the money I was spending.  Blind to it, really,  not even seeing the tiny here-and-there expenses as actual expenses at all. I do wonder if I struggle with a legitimate shopping addition, because I do really crave the shopping, and I do tend to shop to replace negative feelings with positive ones... And I am extremely good at justifying my behaviors, just as another type of addict might... Well that is certainly food for thought.  Anyway, it has been simultaneously empowering and aggravating to experience this, and so I am coining this sensation as "Schrodinger's Budget", as to explain the duality of this....   

And so, I am thinking that if I am lucky, after this 30 day experiment, this self-awareness, and this spending "addiction" will become a habit.   I am hoping that I don't binge, like that dieter who hits her goal weight, and then goes off the rails... And with Christmas just around the corner, this is a real risk.

But I know that I have the support and friendships to help me through it.  It has been hard, but very enlightening.  For me, and I think for my family.  I hope that the benefit will show up when reviewing my checking account, but so far, that hasn't been as positively impacted as I had hoped.  But we shall see.... 

Well that is it for me today... No spending, just cooking homemade turkey soup.... Gotta do something with my time instead of shopping, right?  Yesterday was from-scratch chocolate chip cookies... Still working on how to better replace bad habits with good, healthy ones...

Thank you for reading, and have a great night!  xo

Day 24 - A spend-free Saturday!

Hi, all, and thank you for reading and sharing!  I am sorry that this is late, but yesterday we had our family "Thanksgiving" a few days late, and I got home too late to think and type clearly at all.  So it's done this morning, and today's will be completed as usual...

So yes, I am proud to announce this may be my first spend-free Saturday!  It was easy, because there was no temptation at all.  It was our family celebration of Thanksgiving, since most of the family works on the actual turkey day.  So my day yesterday was spend making dessert.  Yes, I could have spent money on an already made dessert, but NO!  I already had the ingredients in the house for chocolate chip cookies, and so that was what I baked.  From scratch.  Yes, me...  No worry that I was covered in batter and flour by the end, and not to worry at all that I totally forgot how much longer it takes to make things from scratch, since you have to do things like mix the dry ingredients and wet ingredients separately... The point is, by the end of say, 3 hours, I had enough golden brown and gooey chocolate chip cookies to bring to dinner, and to be able to enjoy them knowing a) they were the fruit of my labor, and b) I did not cheat at all!

I have also noticed I am getting better at saying "no".  No, Julia, we are not buying a bathing suit for the dog because Sunday is "doggie swim" at our community pool - since they are having it fully drained and re-tiled Monday, so why not?  A doggie bathing suit, have you ever?   But as a woman whose little Pomeranian has been photographed in both a Santa outfit, and a pumpkin costume, I suppose nothing is out of the realm of possibility.  No, we are not going out to breakfast today, even though it is just the perfect Sunday morning thing to do...It would really be nice...  And No, we cannot get a new bedroom set for your room, since really, it's very new... and I just totally had a deja-vu while writing this, did this topic come up already?  This feels oddly familiar...

More learning, more practicing, less spending... So that is all for Saturday.... I am happy and feeling successful... I also said "no" to shopping on Sunday, which is vital...  Because I really really wanted to go, but the truth is, I might have even said yes, but I simply have too much to do around the house.... You see, I did totally forget how long cookies from scratch take, and I rushed off to dinner leaving my house and kitchen in total chaos... So yeah, lots of strong words, when really, I couldn't have gone.... Curse you, honesty!   

Well, that's all for now, more to come this evening!  Thank you so much for reading, and have an awesome day!  xo

Friday, November 28, 2014

Day 23 - Creative "Shopping"!!

Hello, all.... And thank you so much for reading and sharing!

Here we are, actually in the final stages of this project... And while very very hard, I have to say, I am learning a few things about myself and my thought processes.  And I have absolutely learned that I can still have fun without buying my way through a mall.  I proved that today.

Today is Black Friday.  I had promised my daughter (of course) and another close family friend/relative before this project that we would go.  I could not cancel, even with an explanation of my 30 day commitment, for a variety of reasons.  So, the alarm rang at 6am, and off to the mall we went.  This time I was prepared.  I am learning that when I have an opportunity to plan, when I have notice, and I have an opportunity to think through bumps in the road that I might hit, the odds of my success are greatly raised.  For example, when I was planning for this day, I knew I would be hungry while out and so I brought beef jerky and granola bars in my backpack.  This way, I did not have to buy any snacks, or smoothies, or anything....It is when I have been hit with surprises, that I jump immediately to the purchase.  And so today, we went through the mall to experience the madness of Black Friday, which really wasn't mad at all... And I took pictures of all the things that Julia wants, so that I can buy a selection of them online - after the month of zero spending!  

So you see - today was actually a metaphor for the crux of my problem.  When I am faced with a "bump", or a crisis, or a major stressor, I always turn to what I know will ease the discomfort.... Not unlike the mall smoothie, the first thing I see/think of to make me feel better...  When things are smooth sailing, less of a need for the purchases.

Now that I am seeing that, I have to set up a better system of identifying these situations earlier, and planning for them ahead of time... And ultimately, finding something better to do than spend my way from one end of the mall to the other... But that does exaggerate my spending habits, it's not like that it was I really do.... On the other hand, I have done it once or twice.... But you get the point.

The only worry that I have next for this weekend is the family tradition of putting up the Christmas Tree on the weekend of Thanksgiving.  Had I still owned my pre-lit pre lit tree, this would be no issue, but thank you Hurricane Sandy!   We do like the real trees, and even though we had the fake tree, usually got a real tree anyway.  But this year, I could have really used that darn fake tree!  However, we have to get a tree... and somehow, I have to convince them to wait another week.  This could be a challenge... this could indeed be a big challenge.... 

Ok, that is all for today... Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate your suggestions and feedback....  xo


Thursday, November 27, 2014

Day 22 - Happy Thanksgiving!!

Hello, everyone, and thank you for reading and sharing!!  

Due to the holiday, I will keep it short and sweet.  Today was a lovely day as my family and I celebrated in Seaworld, and enjoyed a lovely (and in budget) dinner.  We walked around, saw the dolphins, sea turtles and manatees, and stayed until the sun set.  It got cold - mid 60's - and Seaworld was transformed into a charming Christmas village... There were extremely well protected fire pits, around which we sat singing Christmas carols and drinking hot chocolate...It was far nicer than I expected, and for a moment, I even felt like I was back home in NJ....  So that was it, the slip up... see how subtle it was?  Barely even noticed it, right?   Yup, spent on 2 cups of hot chocolate... 10 bucks.  Dang, what is with me and my impulse control...?   I think today it was more about being caught up in the moment, and just going with it.  Hot chocolate?  Of course..... What is interesting, is that the times I spent in this experiment, I came to consciously make a choice to break my pact.  The Uggs, the lunch out.... I was aware, and knowingly opted to cheat... But today, I was so not in the zone, I had planned for the day in terms of money, it wasn't even on my mind.  So the purchase today was different, I just said yes and did it, and then after was like, Oh no!!   I mean, the Christmas light show, the carols, the fires, the festive mood, it was thorough.... it was complete and I was completely wrapped in it...

So what does that mean???  Better or worse??  


Well, tomorrow should be interesting.   How does one brave Black Friday due to a previously made commitment/plan and not shop?  Perhaps layaway?  Is that my golden loophole??  

We shall see.... much more to discover and work on, that is certain... 

Thank you for reading everyone, and Happy Thanksgiving!    

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Day 21 - A Pattern

Hello, everyone, and thank you for reading and sharing!  

Today was a pretty good day.  I am crazy busy with work, and for some reason, we haven't been to the supermarket in a while.  I am low on food, and the cupboards are bare.... But I can still figure out some meals and things...  

I am seeing a pattern of temptation though, and it definitely relates to food.  Today, we had surprise guests, and as a result, I had 4 pre-teens in my house for the bulk of the day.  And since they were dropped off at 11:30, I had to feed them lunch.  Don't get me wrong, not complaining.  I love it when she has her friends over, and like that they feel comfortable over here.  But I really had nothing to eat.  What I forget is that kids tend to eat junk that we as adults wouldn't... So I was able to dig around, and rustle up some grub... A few cans of long forgotten Chef-Boy-R-Dee really goes a long way....Uggghhhh...

So we will consider that progress, because the previous method would have easily been a trip to KFC.... No doubt... 

Now, tomorrow is a holiday, and the budget for this had already been planned.  So my dinner out tomorrow will not be a breach of contract.  However, any other purchases at the park will be....So, you've read it here first, folks - no sodas, no ice creams, no games (that are not included with admission)

But, ah, this is what I have been dreading.  Friday.  Black Friday, and the weekend.  Oh man, it is always the weekend that kills me!!  And Black Friday, a day that I had been planning on for weeks now, before I started this project.  I am pretty certain I will spend on Friday.  How can I possible avoid Christmas shopping on Black Friday, when I have already planned on it?  Christmas is a bear, and I really picked the wrong time of year for this pledge.

Maybe I should just quit, say "well, I tried, but the holidays got in the way...."... I did it for 3 weeks.... That's pretty good!!  And I only had 2 slip ups!  


No... You are right, you are all right.... I can do it.  Now that I see that it has been 3 weeks already, I can also see that I only have 1 more week to go!  Just one more week!  I can do that, I can do one week, right?  Yes!!! 

Man, that was far cheerier than expected.

Ok, that's all for now... thank you for reading, have a great night!  Happy Thanksgiving!! xo

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Day 20 - Cooking blows!

Hi everyone, and thank you for reading and sharing!

I had a long day...Lots of work on projects that I really want to complete before the holiday, which requires lots of laptop work.... Lots of PowerPoint detail, sitting and eye strain.   Repetitive hand motions.  I mean, it's not like I am chopping trees or something really physical, but sometimes what doesn't seem exhausting really is... Some days my work is broken up with meetings, but today I had fewer than normal meetings, I guess due to the holiday.  So I was geared up to dig in and bang out some of this work. Which I did, because I am a star.. .:-)

But by 5:30, I was spent.  I was really wiped out.  And I had taken no meat out of the freezer, so I had planned to make spaghetti (my own gravy, or sauce as you might say).  But they Julia said, "Can we just have pizza tonight?"  And I said, of course, "Sure".... Just like that, without thinking. And then I remembered my vow.  So I had to retract.  That went over well.  But I explained that I made a promise, and that can't be broken.  I honestly cannot say who was more annoyed at the spaghetti dinner - her for having to eat spaghetti when she really wanted pizza, or me because I had to make a spaghetti dinner when I really just wanted to order a pizza.... 

All in all, it wasn't the end of the world.  I made the "sauce", and we had a nice meal.... But MAN am I tired!!  There has got to be a better way!!  Which leads me to my second point... I recently saw on TV a pressure cooker for sale... OK, yes, it was on QVC, there, I said it.... If I can't go out, I can at least watch shopping, lol...Which, as it turns out, is equally dangerous!!  

But dang, this pressure cooker thing... I know I am a marketers dream, I really fall for everything.  And I know I am being manipulated, I get it.  But still, I figure even if this amazing pressure cooker does HALF of what it claims, I can have dinner ready in 30 minutes!!  Wouldn't that save me money?  At 5:00, just through a frozen chicken in the pot with some veggies and BAM!  Cheaper than ordering my famous Chinese food, right?  Or am I just a lunatic who is desperately trying for any way to bring peace and calm to my world??

What do you think?  Am I nuts or not??

OK, thank you for reading and have a great night!  xo

Monday, November 24, 2014

Day 19 - OMG when will this end??

Hi, everyone, and thank you so much for reading... I really appreciate it... Tonight, you will be sensing a slightly different tone, as my mood about money has slightly soured... 

I am not gonna lie... this is torture.  This feels like punishment, this feels like I am being penalized... I hate it.  I want to buy something, I want to go Christmas shopping!  I want to buy plane tickets!!

I want to end this whole stupid project.  I am still a money disaster.  I still paid my bills and still, without going crazy like I might have normally done, still managed to eff up and miss something, and over draw my account!  So what purpose is this serving?

Sorry, but I am feeling down tonight.  I am feeling like I am on a diet that will never end, and I can't help but wonder... do people live like this all the time?

I have always been more of a "live for today" kinda girl, an "it will all work out" type... Now I feel constricted, my arms tied down.... I mean, not to be mellow dramatic, but what if someone saves all their extra money, has it all in a bank or under a mattress or something, and then they get hit by a bus?  They haven't lived their life fully,  haven't enjoyed the fruits of their labor!  I work hard, and I want to enjoy my fruit?  Is that so wrong?  As she said in "Confessions of a Shop-a-holic", "I've got to either earn more or spend less".... And my goal was to just earn more so that I can live how I like....

I once dated a guy (no other details will be shared to protect the crazy), who tried to teach me the value of living below your means.... And I get it... I do... We did the math, and if we had somehow managed to live his life style and essentially save all of our money, we would have been millionaires within 5 years... But seriously, is a bank account like that really worth having no fun at all??   Living in a hovel in a building without a doorman in NYC?  Really?  Spend it while you can!  Live a little!  Yes!!  

So here I sit, fruitless...New-shoeless... flight-ticketless... 

What do you think?  I know, you were not expecting this one... 

Thank you for reading!  xo 

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Day 18 - Found money!

Hello, all, and thank you for reading!

So, today was uneventful, no spending... So yay!  But I did have a dilemma or two pop up.... and one of them involves "found money".  You know the expression... Found money, that delightful cash surprise, that $20 bill found the jacket you haven't work since last season, that check in the mail that came from insurance because you "overpaid", or some other random, unexpected and unaccounted for money.  This is not something in your budget, not something on which you depend for the maintenance of said budget.  My question then is - what do you do with found money?

There are 3 possibilities:

1) Put it in the bank, add it into your check book register, and use it to pay bills
2) Put it in your savings for a rainy day
3) Since you weren't planning on it, you don't need it... Consider it a gift from the heavens and spend, spend spend it!

I suppose a 4th option would be, if the check is large enough, to do all 3, but now I am complicating things. 

I think we all know where I land in this debate.  Found money is found for fun... Found money is magical, and as such, should not be used for anything mundane and pragmatic.  If you do so, you risk the balance of the entire beautiful randomness of our mystical and magnificent universe.  Entropy could be reversed, and it would be anarchy!   No.... but still, it's the nature of the "good luck" to me, to have this random chance at something fun, something you could not have done without it.  Get that pair of shoes... have that mani-pedi... Or if the found money was significant, take that vacation!

What are your thoughts on this?  

The topic came up today because in yesterday's mail was a $36 check from my old bank, from a settlement on a class-A thing, regarding overdrafts or something...Anyway, I cashed it, and I so wanted to go out to breakfast with it with the family.  I mean again, it was found money.  But instead, I cashed it and used $25 of it to pay off my debt to my friend who paid for the Uggs.... 

Mission accomplished?  Was it the right thing, or the wrong thing?? What do you think?

OK, thank you for reading!  Tomorrow, we will delve more into the issues about money and spending over this holiday season... Thank you so much!!  xo

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Day 17 - Peer Pressure

Hello, everyone... And thank you so much for reading and sharing!  :-) 

So let me just get right into it.  I spent today.  There.  I said it.  You know how in movies they say that?  They say, "There, I said it.  Wow, I feel so much better getting that off my chest."  Let me tell you, that's BS, because I do not feel any better.

Here's the sitch.  I was shopping with a friend, which I knew was a risk.  I also knew at some point, shopping with friends was unavoidable.  So here we were in a children's high-end second-hand store, where they only carry certain brand names in like-new condition for kids, such as Gymboree for little ones, and up to Michael Kors for the older kids... Oh yes, and Uggs.  And as it was, today there was one pair of purple Uggs.  One pair, which just so happened to be in her size.  

She tried them on, and they of course not only fit, but were crazy comfortable - as all Uggs are.  They were 30, with a sale of %15 off.   I said no.  I had, actually, left my cash and debit card home - brilliant tactic, wouldn't you agree?  But there we were, in the middle of the store.  She is wearing these adorable, perfect Uggs, which are incidentally, on her Christmas list.  My friend said, "Well, they can be part of her Christmas gift".  True, but I am not spending right now.  "You will never get this price on these again".  Also, true, but I am not spending right now.  And it's all moot, because I don't even have a means to pay for them.  Then, here it is, in super-slow-motion, "I caaannnn bbbuuuyyyy ttthhheeemmmm, aaannndddd yyyoooouuuu ccaannn pppaayyyy mmmeeeee bbbbaaacccckkkkkk"..... You sunk my Battleship.  I was done.  

Am I justifying that they were incredibly priced?  And they were on the Christmas list?  I mean, truthfully, I was planning on spending at least $120 on them in a few weeks.  Is it really so bad to take advantage of this opportunity, which only cost me $25?  Yes.  I am justifying.  Because I should have held firm.  But it was hard, me, the sales people, my friend, my daughter and her friend... It was a tough situation.  I could not think of a reason to say no.

How do you say no when you HAVE to say no, but want to say yes?  And when the forces around you are saying "Say yes, say yes"!!  Man, I could never ever be on "Say Yes to the Dress", my head would literally explode.

Well, that is all for tonight... Tomorrow I plan to get back on the wagon....Dang, what is it about Saturdays???? 

OK, thank you so much for reading, and have a great night!! xo

Friday, November 21, 2014

Day 16 - And it begins...

Hello, everyone and thank you so much for reading!

Today begins the weekend.  And while I am very proud that I have not spent at all today, I do admit to a struggle I had... Beyond that, the weekends are always the hardest, even without "Mockingjay" and buttered popcorn.... 

But today started out fine, and then I ran to the bank at lunch time.  The branch I like is in Windermere, which is a lovely town once lived in by Tiger Woods himself... They have a great little town center, reminding me of a tiny Princeton or Chester in New Jersey, charming and quaint.  And I had forgotten - they also have a Farmers Market on Friday's at lunch time... Yup.  And there I was, ready to not spend, and what did I see?  Those tell tale white tent peaks, clearly indicating a market of some sort... Flea, Farmers, Fish, Stock, it doesn't matter, it's a market!  I instinctively sought out a parking spot.  Inside, I cried "Yay!", because I have been meaning to check it out.  As it is very popular, there were no spots.  As I drove past the beautiful white peaks, I saw the sign that indicated they were closing in a few minutes anyway, and suddenly I felt better about not being able to get a spot.  And off I drove.  

See the problem?  

I am hoping that at some point, before I parked and started to explore all the wonders of the market, that I in fact would have reminded myself that I cannot spend money.  But I am wondering if that would have really happened or not...  I do have a fleeting recollection of a little voice whispering, "can't spend money", and then another, louder, more New Jersey voice saying, "Shut up, I can buy vegetables!"... And that was when I couldn't find the parking spot and all the voices disappeared.

Has that ever happened to you?  The excitement of the situation overwhelms your thought processes?  In fact, I would go so far as to say they didn't interrupt my thought processes, instead they prevented them from starting up at all.  A neurological short circuiting, if you will... Then you wake up... ?  Well, I only  hope I was about to wake up before I starting looking at all those things I didn't know I needed at those great prices... 2 for 1 soy candles, hummingbird wind chimes, organic hummus and who knows what else!!  

OK, I made it through today... but what about tomorrow?  And what about these roots that are getting ridiculous now?  How will I make it not just this weekend, but these next 2 weeks?  And beyond that, how will I apply this level of control when I clearly just cannot wait for this 30 days to be over?  What happens when it ends?  Will I be like the dieter who hits the goal weight and then celebrates by gaining it back (yes, I have done that as well... )...?  Why do I always feel like doing things that are good for me are punishment?  So much more to learn... 

OK, well more on this tomorrow, the dreaded Saturday...Wish me luck!  And thank you for reading!  xo

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Day 15 - Not gonna lie...

Hello, all... And thank you so much for reading... 

Today was fairly uneventful.  A completely spend-free day.  But I am not gonna lie... I WANT TO BUY SOMETHING!!  I do, I really do.  It is like an itch that I cannot scratch, I really just want to buy something for me.  I don't even really care what it is, I just want to go shopping.  I want to go out to have a girly day, with lunch at the mall with a girlfriend, and some fun shopping afterwards... Browsing, yes, but then that experience of finding that just-right thing, in the just-right size, at the just-right price... That win!  I want that rush... I do..... And I don't really know why.  

On the bright side, I shared yesterday's blog with my daughter.  At nearly 12, she is at that stage where she can be completely immature and self-centered, and then a moment later, be responsible and mature.  So I had no idea how she would react after she read it.  After she was done, she turned to me and said, "Mo-om", you know, that two-syllable melodic "Mah-um" sound they make?  Yes, that was it... She put her hands on her hips and stared at me.  "Mo-om", she began.  I asked her what she thought.  She said, "You know what I am going to say"... and I was sure she was going to say "We are going to that movie!  You promised, and you never, ever break a promise!"  Instead, she said, "Mom, it's going to be out for a long time.  We'll go in a few weeks.  It will be better, the crowds will have died down."

Really?  I almost started to cry... I gave her a huge hug, and was filled with pride and love.  And gratitude.... For a few reasons.... First, I am off the hook and no longer have to make a decision.  My Libra nature is eternally grateful for that one.  And secondly, she did actually get it.  She really seems to understand what I am doing and why.  And that, that means the world to me.

Not going to mention that today I told her that our neighborhood is having a doggie swim day at the end of the month (because they are draining our pool the next day for re-tiling and repairs), and how we should go and bring Lola - and her immediate response was "OMG, we totally have to buy her a new bathing suit!".... Baby steps.  Baby steps... 

That's it for tonight, but tomorrow we have more dilemmas to unveil!  Thank you so much for reading, and have a great night!  xo

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Day 14 - The Halfway Point!

Hello, everyone, and thank you so much for reading and sharing!

So while today was uneventful (read spending free!!), tomorrow is Thursday, which is connected to Friday... And Friday is when "Mockingjay Part 1" comes out!  For those who do not know, Mockingjay is the 3rd of the "Hunger Games" movies... And while these movies are targeted to the ummm, let's say younger generation, I must admit I am a big fan.  I read all of the books, saw the first two movies, and am eagerly awaiting the release of Mockingjay.  

But this isn't really about me.  Me, I could wait my 2 more weeks and go see it whenever... This is about my daughter.  Reading the books and watching the movies together is sort of our "thing".  I have taken her to see both movies when they were released, and made a promise that we would go see Mockingjay when it comes out, the very first weekend. Yay, super fun, right?  Under normal circumstances, yes, very fun.  Throw caution to the wind, pack up the fam and off the the movies.

Yeah, under normal circumstances...  

How can that happen now when I have made this no-spending commitment?  I want to honor my promise to my daughter about the movie for so many reasons.  Firstly, to show her how promises should be kept.  Next, because I hate to let her down.  And if I am being honest, and I know you already know this next one, because I really want to see this movie! But on the flip side, I have made this budgetary promise as well, this pledge to spend zero dollars.  I could justify and rationalize about how it's only $25, and swear to not get popcorn and candy, which we all know will totally happen anyway - because after all, when you go to the movies, popcorn and candy are part of the movie going experience, and as such, they do not count in terms of budgetary spending or in calories.  I swear it is true, look it up.  But I digress.. 

I want to keep my pledge about the spending, because it has grown more and more important to me with each passing day.  I want to continue to learn about myself through this process.  And, I want her to respect my ability to honor my commitments to myself as well as to others.  I want her to be proud.  

So, my question that I cannot answer today is this - Which promise is more important?  And how do you really decide?  What do you do when you make a choice, where you feel like whichever way you go, you have chosen wrong?   (Decisions, decisions - Pay me!  Lawyers salary, please!) <<== super old tv commercial reference... ;-)

OK, well that is where I am today... More to come on this topic, and more, tomorrow... Thank you sooooo very much for reading, and have a great day!!  xo

(PS - she just walked in and saw I was writing the blog... She said, "I want to do a blog... this is cool.  How did you set it up?"  And then she looked at me with that stern "I'm watching you" expression and said, "Did it cost money?"   See, she is paying attention to everything!!)

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Day 13 - OMG, that is SOOOO COOL!!

Hello, everyone, and thank you again for reading!  I really appreciate it!

Today, I proudly spend nothing.  Not one penny!   So far, and almost 2 weeks in, I only had that one bad incident, and since then I feel I have recovered quite nicely.  The secret is apparently, reducing or eliminating temptation.  Now, I cannot live under a rock for the rest of my life, so I am going to have to develop some coping skills, which I am working on.  But I also sorta kinda have to continue to reduce or eliminate temptation.

I saw something super cool today, and I really felt the need to buy it... What it is doesn't really matter, it could have been anything from the Microsoft Surface, to that amazing anti-aging serum, to that super cool table keyboard that I didn't even know existed, to those Uggs that you can actually have customized... Sooo cool!!  Did you know that you could do that?  Because I had no idea!  Also, recent cool observations and wants include a friends newly published book of poems - soooo cool, the amazing lux bamboo sheets and comforter set that keeps you cool at night, anything from the 2014 Holiday collection of wrap dresses by Diane von Furstenberg (literally anything), and the Swarovski crystal covered Etch-a-Sketch... Ah, so many cool things!!  

Which leads me to this question - what is up with the "cool" factor?  When something is cool, it is almost irresistible!  I want it.  No, I have to have it!  The cool smartphone that I carry, it was just the coolest!   Cool, yes, once I feel myself saying "OMG, that is sooo cool!", the purchase is nearly inevitable.  That buzz of electricity when you see it, and you just know it's the next thing you must have.

So when I saw the cool thing today, it was on a shopping channel.  And I watched the full hour demonstration of it, all the while thinking how silly I was for spending time watching the full demo on the shopping channel... At some point, I then picked up my cool smartphone, and went to the website of this shopping channel - just to read the reviews, or so I told myself.  Then, I magically ended up in front of my laptop, so I could read more reviews, see pictures better, and do some more analysis.  And then, somehow, this deal, which was on EZ Pay, btw, for this super cool thing, was too strong for me.  And I hit it, the dreaded "Add to cart" button.   The very good news is that I woke up from the hypnotic stupor, and shut down the web site... No purchase was made.  

Still though, those feelings linger.... dang, that was cool.... 
Oh well, no cool items purchased today... Does that make me woefully uncool?  

Thanks for reading, everyone, and have a great night!!  xo (PS, keep reading... between some new movies coming out, and holidays coming up, I think we can all expect to see some juicy rationalizations here over the next week or so.... )

Monday, November 17, 2014

Dawn's Blog: Day 12 - Let's get you something to make you feel ...

Dawn's Blog: Day 12 - Let's get you something to make you feel ...: Hello, all!  And thank you so much for reading and sharing! Well, today was a pretty low key day, so I am very proud to report no non-budg...

Day 12 - Let's get you something to make you feel better

Hello, all!  And thank you so much for reading and sharing!

Well, today was a pretty low key day, so I am very proud to report no non-budgetary spending!  Lack of temptation was a big reason, since it's a work day and I was pretty much restricted.  

However, some large catalogs arrived in the mail today, as the holiday season gets into full swing.  My daughter has literally spent the past 2 hours pouring over these glorious books full of toys, electronics and clothes, and at last count, she had 32 items on her Christmas list.  Yesterday, I wrote about minimalism, and now here we are, in the throes of the most commercialized time of year.  All we see are ads for all of this crap, along with decorations and food ads.... It's enough to make you, well, want.  Just want.

It got me thinking... Why do we covet things so very intensely?  And one thought did occur to me.  In our society, we often have the means to do things to cheer us up when we are down.  Over the whole of my life, being upset was easily remedied by me, by parents, by friends and family, by the giving of things or of food.  Not passing judgement, we do these things out of kindness.  When I was little and failed to win the school elections (I was going for President, as you can guess), I was cheered up with a chocolate cake... When I was home sick from school, my mom would buy me a small gift to cheer me up, such as the best ever supermarket toy, "Wooly Willy", which had a male face and little shavings of metal that you could move around with a magnetic want, to give him funny beards and such... And so on and so on, through out my life.  And I have done the same thing.  When my kids are sad or disappointed, I have made their favorite meal or taken them on a shopping spree to cheer their moods.  Raising their spirits, it seems, is not just about a hug and a supportive ear... In our world, we give... It could even be little things, like a card or flowers... But still, we give... We give and receive things because it does make us feel better.  Even our favorite couple, Shamy, demonstrated this.. When Sheldon hurt Amy's feelings, he cheered her up greatly by buying her a tiara!  (Watch The Big Bang Theory if you are not!) 

Is it any wonder we then self medicate with that same chocolate cake and shopping spree experience when we get older?  Now please know, this is sincerely not any effort to validate my bad habits... rather just the opposite... I am thinking that if I can start to identify why things feel the way they do, then I can get to why I act the way I do.  Now, I am certainly not hoping that this exercise makes me feel bad about buying things for myself or others within budget, but I can say that so far, I am at least much more aware of the feelings and moods that surround the urges to buy things.  And that, that awareness, is very new.  And very enlightening.   I am now looking out for that metaphoric chocolate cake, and paying attention to it far more than ever before... 

OK, now it is time for me to start my Christmas list... :-)  Thank you for reading, and have a great night!  xo

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Day 11 - Minimalism

Hello, all!  Thank you for reading!   

Today was pretty uneventful, and I can say that I only spent money on things that were in my budget.  I paid my bills, and did some grocery shopping.  So yay, nothing bad!  But it was easy because there was no temptation at all.  I'm really good when there is no temptation.

I did spend some time tormenting myself with the TV shopping channels, and with the holidays coming up, I did want to get some stuff... But after a while of literally tormenting myself, I was like, "Dawn, SNAP OUT OF IT!", and turned on football which is what should be on the TV on Sundays!

I do enjoy my tennis lessons son Sundays, and while chatting with my tennis instructor about my project and blog, he mentioned to me the concept of minimalism.   Now, I had heard of minimalism in terms of art, fashion and design.  But living one's life in terms of minimalism?  I had to research this... What a crazy concept!  Minimalism is the concept of deliberately living with less.  I know they say "less is more", but I am a doubter on that... I mean, seriously.  And I get it, I have too many "things", we all have too many things.... OK... But having read what these minimalists say, I am even more convinced it's crazy.   Some of these people try to get down to owning less than 100 things.  Total.  That's it, 100 things!  I mean, that is like my shoe and bag count.  For real...   WTF, who can live like that?  They say it's freeing, but it seems like punishment to me!  

So now, I can't help but wonder... Am I addicted to "things"?   Are possessions owning me as much as I am owning them?  Does anyone else wonder why the founders of theminimalists.com are men, and probably only had 3 pairs of shoes to begin with??  I mean really, how are they experts in living without things??  And, the live in Montana.  The fashion capital of the world, lol... Sorry, don't mean to pick on Montana, but it just seems odd to me that 2 guys from Montana are leading this movement.  Of course it is easy, you are guys and you live in Montana!  

Now, I am  not being anti-Thoreau or anything, but I like things.  My things... things I have picked out, or things that were given to me.  Things that bring back memories, things that I can hold onto and look at, touch and feel, wear and share... And I swear, I am NOT a hoarder, although those of you who have helped me move may disagree.... Perhaps we can say a bit cluttered?  

What are your thoughts?  Do we have too many things?  Am I crazy for thinking these minimalist guys are nuts?  


OK, thank you for reading, and have a great night!  xoxo 

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Day 10 - Huzzah!

Good day, fair ladies and good sirs... Today, we ventured to thy charming carouse, what was the academy Faire of thine Renaissance!  

It was actually a fun filled, full day extravaganza, complete with knights doing battle, an actual Falconer with a falcon, and lest we not forget a jail, wherest mine own self was sent by a local mugwump, who sentenced me quite very unfairly, withoutest even benefit of trial!  OK, I am done with the language stuff, lol,  but it was a very fun day.  And, actually a free day for me.  Let me explain.  Since it was part of the school, it was required participation.  As it was a PTO event, we had to pay for $50 worth of tickets in advance, and then used the tickets to purchase activities or food.  So say for 4 tickets, one could do archery, for 2 tickets you could enjoy a bottle of water.  It didn't go very far. 

My personal challenge, once again, came in the form of vendors.  Just a few, but they were really good vendors, all with their wares at quite reasonable prices.  I wanted a few of the items that I saw, but I didn't buy anything.  And here is the interesting part.  Have you ever been to a craft show or an antique show or something, and you can just tell the show is dead... And the poor vendor is standing there with this hopeful smile?  Ugh, that is the worst feeling!  They are not doing it on purpose, but they can't help but auto-generate this vibe.... And it is at this point that I normally am crushed on the tsunami that is my urge to buy it, and my feeling bad for the vendor, and collapse like a house of cards!  Instead, today since I couldn't spend anything, I felt the need to explain why I could not buy their very cool wares.... So, if any vendors at the RF are reading, thank you for your patience while I told you the whole "not spending/blogging" story, and you had really nice things!  

The day was really lovely, super fun, and had perfect 78 degree breezy weather.  And that is where my success ended.

I had managed to escape the fair without spending.... but to be honest. the "fair" at the fair, ie food, was not the best.  They had hot dogs and nachos, stuff like that.  And the hot dog I did get, was not even "hot dog" color.  Needless to say, after the 4 - 5 hours in the sun, playing games and being jailed, I was hungry. We were all hungry. And tired.  The very thought of the drive home (30 minutes), and then cooking something was just overwhelming, and I spent.  I am sure if I did some finagling, I could justify this - in fact, just read the first few sentences of this paragraph!  But it has been 10 days of total austerity, and I just needed to sit down and enjoy a treat, a nice family meal.... I would imagine this is fine under normal circumstances, to have supper at Chili's.... as long as it is planned in your budget.  But these are not normal circumstance.  I have a pact... So I guess, I fell off the wagon, right?  Does it help the situation if I tell you that this wasn't cash, but rather a credit card purchase?  I could also say that it was not my decision, that it was a purchase my husband recommended... But either way, I could have said no, but I said "HUZZAH!  We are about to enjoyeth some food and drink!"...well, not exactly like that, lol...

OK then, I have gotten it off my chest... It wasn't too bad of a slip I suppose, but non the less, after only 10 days, I do feel really badly about it.  So my plan is to just hop right back on that horse tomorrow, and continue on this 30 day journey!  Thank you all for taking the journey with me!  And again, for your continued support and tips!  Fare thee well, I must away!  xoxo

Friday, November 14, 2014

Day 9 - These weekends!

Hello, everyone, and thank you for reading!

I am going to cut straight to the chase.  I want Chinese take out.  I want it badly and I want it now.  I can almost taste it.  I know I could go to the supermarket, and hit the the oh-so-politically correctly labeled "Ethnic Foods" aisle, where I could buy some "La Choy" in a can.  Or worse, I could get some ingredients that sound amazing on the label, but which when mixed together with chicken or rice in my actual kitchen, would end up looking like a long forgotten 2nd grade science experiment.  

And another interesting note - my mind is starting to get creative, and invent little ways that I can cheat.  I have $15 in cash, which I have had since the start of this little experiment.  So today, that $15 was calling to me, "Dawn, buy some Roast Pork Lo Mein... no one is looking!  No one will know!"  It's a very loud voice, calling to me, surprisingly.  

My brain is also doing things like, "Well, if it's a charge, is it spending?  I mean, since it doesn't impact my cash/spending?"... And this, "Well, if it's a Christmas gift, and I have to get it now, can't that be an exception?"   Yes, when I want something, this little brain of mine is most excellent at justifying and rationalizing.  

Anyway, after all is said and done, I still sit her at 9:00 pm wildly craving Chinese food.  I suppose it doesn't help that I watched back to back episodes of The Big Bang Theory, and man, those guys are always eating take out!  Ugh... 

When my daughter was about 4, and of the age where she wanted what she wanted, or a tantrum would ensue, I sang to her these famous lyrics: "You can't always get what you want... You can't always get what you want... but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need'... She hated when I sang that, and it actually made her tantrums worse.  Looking back, it was actually hysterical, that little thing making all that noise... But I digress.  Today, I am singing those lyrics to myself, and enjoying a nice, within budget and inexpensive frozen pizza.  Special thanks to Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.... Tonight, I am getting what I need.

Thanks so much for reading, everyone... Have a wonderful night!  

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Day 8 - Wait, it's over 1 week!

Hello, my friends, and thank you for reading and sharing!

So today, my lovely bank closed an account without telling me, and the core problem is that it was an account into which a large deposit was being made.  When I called the bank, I was told there was nothing that they could do, and that I had to visit the branch to have the account reopened.  I wasted my lunch time driving to the bank, only to be told that the person on the phone had been wrong, and there is in fact, no way to reopen an account.  Where then is my money, I asked, and naturally, they did not know.  As you can imagine, especially if you know me, I was not happy about this.  My "Jersey"" came out in full force, which basically translates to storming out of the bank while muttering things about crappy customer service, complaint letters, things like that.... 

And so what kind of mood was I in when I left that stupid branch??  I was furious, my blood was boiling.  So if we are connecting the dots in Dawn's brain, we can easily see how anger and frustration connect to my situation the other day about hair color.  Anger leads to doing something that makes you feel better.... Anger leads to shopping... Anger leads to paying a high end salon to not just color your roots, but who pampers you, brings you lemon water, and who lends a compassionate ear and a warm, inviting smile.  Man, anger is a bitch.... 

I could actually feel the urge.  Literally feel a physical pull.  Normally, I would have just popped into the salon, gotten the grays washed away, and left with a cute new look and a whole new mindset!  That would have made me smile, I would have gotten that nice rush of endorphins or dopamine or something...Instead, I was struggling with the rush of what ever the negative chemical in my brain, the one that causes desire.... the "desire" chemical must have a name, what is it?  Well I have too much if it, and I could feel it flooding my blood stream, and I needed it released!  But I had neither the time nor the funds, based on my commitment, to enjoy a makeover or even a short shopping spree....As a result, I simply had to let the negative chemical rush fade away on it's own.  And of course, it did, it always does.  I would imagine exercise or something else would have worked it out of my system faster, but that is a whole other blog entirely... 

Anyway, I made it home without killing anyone due to my anger, getting my hair done, or buying anything at all.  I did it.  It was hard, but I did it.... It's so weird, this awareness of these things that I have been doing on autopilot... wow.... crazy, right?  One step at a time... :-) 

So thank you for reading!  And PS - how many of you thought I was going to write "Anger leads to hate", and continue down a Yoda path??  xoxo




Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Day 7 - Nothing spent, nothing gained

Hello, all... And thank you so much for reading!

With the Christmas siege already well underway, I know I picked the wrong month to not spend.  Between the catalogs in the mail, the never ending commercials, and the "incredible deals" on the shopping channels, the pressure is really on... But today, I did have another successful day with no spending.  I did, but I can not speak so proudly of the behavior of my family.  Oh, I didn't mention they, too, are in on this experiment?  Yes, they are... But while they are under my watchful eye, and have agreed to this, they clearly do not have the same level of commitment as I do.  This was proven today when a certain cheating father-daughter duo stopped at a local pizzeria because a certain whiny girl was hungry.... I can't help but feel betrayed.... Yet I have to know that this is really my experiment, my process, and my blog... I am capturing my feelings about this whole "no spending" thing, and can't truly fault them for cheating like a desperate high school student the morning of SATs....

To demonstrate my personal commitment to zero spending, today I refused to spend $2.69 on my own mother.  Yes, how pathetic does that sound?  I e-mailed her a photo of my daughter asleep with my dog, totally adorable, and she asked if I could send her a printed copy of it.  So I went to walgreens.com, where I saw I could upload the pic, and have it printed at any Walgreens.  For the one picture, it was $2.69, money of course that I cannot spend.  Imagine, if you will, the conversation with my mom, about why I needed to use her credit card for the $2.69 cost of the print!  It was entertaining, to say the least.  But the great news is that mom got what she wanted, and I was able to get it for her without breaking down and spending money.  This is a silly example, I know, but it does go directly to the point I was making yesterday.  I am so very programmed, like I am on automatic pilot.  It would have normally been just a thing I spent money on, and let it accrue in the debit column, along with all of the other mini-spends.... And I held my ground today... So I am proud... 

Other things I really need but didn't buy today, despite really needing them include:

- New black sequined Uggs, since mine are 5 years old and have uneven heels and the sequins are all bumpy and uneven.  It is amazing I can still walk in them.
- A new kindle, since my kindle died a few weeks ago.  It's very hard to read books on the phone, and the Nexus 7 I have is really old and heavy, and the glare makes it really bad for reading.
- A ceiling fan for my bedroom, because how can a bedroom NOT have a ceiling fan?  And think about how much better I would sleep with that cool air circulating... And I think the energy bills will go down as well!
- Plane tickets, because man, 200 a pop is a really great deal!!  I mean, who knows how long they will be at that price??

All remain unpurchased, just ghosts in some lost shopping cart somewhere....

Well, that is all for today.  Thank you all for reading, and have a wonderful day!!  






Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Day 6 - Is it only day 6 for real?

Hello, everyone, and thank you so much for reading... I truly appreciate your support!!

So, recently I started noticing that my gray's are coming in... Now, as a 40ish-something female who started to gray at the tender age of 18, I don't want to color my gray because I think it makes me look old.... Rather, it is just not flattering on me, and it grows in odd patches.... 

And it is at this point ever couple of months that I need to go to the salon and have my roots touched up.  And of course, I would also consider getting a new cut, and maybe a few highlights or something.  Something fresh and pretty, especially now that the holidays are approaching.  So this is, you see, where my current dilemma lives.... Is a touch up a normal budgetary expenditure?  I would say yes, it is.  It is necessary and it is planned.  But then, what about the cut and the highlights?  This is a very fine line, and I can't be sure how to proceed.  At this point in my experiment, I feel like any spending at all would be a violation of my pact.  As a result, I am holding off on the process.  This means that if you see me, you will likely either see my grays, or see my grays attempting to be cleverly hidden by this root touch up crap that I bought a few months ago, which is essentially just mascara for your hair.  It's gross, and frankly, I think it draws more attention to my roots than there should be.

Also today, well late last night actually, after my blog was already published, I wanted to download a free game.  Upon doing research, I found another app that I wanted, but it as 2.99.  And I of course, just automatically hit purchase!  Just like that, as if it were play money, as if I were in the game itself, playing with tokens.  I had to stop myself, and say "this is real money", which may sound silly, but honestly, it doesn't really feel like you are spending it at all when you are doing it online or on your phone.  It feels like a game, really, like it is all just binary code that will somehow not ever impact me.  But it does.  The 2.99 here, the book on amazon for 7.99 there... The life of being able to get exactly what you want, at any time you want?  Man, it sure is awesome... And it is a danger.... 

Lastly, a few times so far I have seen awesome things that would be great Christmas gifts.  And as aforementioned, I just so effortlessly and automatically clicked "buy now", or "add to cart".... And then after a few moments, exited the site entire.  I know this is the season, and let me tell you, I am already sick of Melissa Joan Hart telling me how much she wants the stupid Keurig....  The shopping is everywhere, and it is persistently in your face!  It is challenging, I want to get some stuff off my list, but I know I can wait... I have to.. I will.  Challenge accepted and met!

Thank you all for reading, and I will catch ya tomorrow!