Hello, all, and thank you for reading!
As you know, I fell off the wagon, and I fell hard. Christmas time was very challenging for me, and well, I hope that I learned some lessons from it. The good news is that since that time, I haven't spent other than food and basics. The one expenditure that was pure fun was Seaworld - and since I am an annual pass holder, the expense wasn't the admission, but rather lunch.
So my goal is to continue to work on myself, to catch up on all my bills, and to ensure that I never ever ever overdraw my bank account again. Since Christmas, I have been very diligent, but I haven't been tracking my expenses. I haven't even been looking at my checking account. Why? Because I am afraid. I am afraid to see that balance, or that flashing message that indicates low balance. I am afraid of the next few days having to be all about scrimping and "getting through it". I try to tell myself that I deserve better, that I deserve to breathe. I know this, but somehow, the old traits just keep coming through.
The best approach is to avoid all chances to spend, such as going to the mall, amusement parks, etc. But I can't do that entirely. I will have to learn to be more balanced. Kind of like living on a diet all the time.
But I ask you - where is the fun in that? Can you imagine spending your entire life on a diet? That is just misery! Even when I try to find an in-between, the in-between feels like torture, like a punishment. Why is that? Why does being good and smart always feel so just flat out awful?? Do you ever feel that way? I do, and it sucks. And I have to imagine though, that being well managed and well maintained in terms of money feels really good. Yet I can't seem to let go of these things that cause me pain...
What do you think??
Oh, well... thank you for reading, and more to come! xo
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